I am one of those people who plans. I like to have back-up plans and emergency responses already programmed and in place so I am never caught unaware. When I was younger, every time my parents left the house, I begged them to be careful and gave huge hugs and exuberant "I love you"s. I am probably the only child to have ever made sure that my parents had a will, and to inquire about who they designated as my guardian should anything happen to them.
A few weeks ago, I slipped and almost fell on a MARTA escalator. Nothing happened, but for the rest of the escalator ride (all 13 flights of stairs' worth), I planned what I would have done if something had. (I would probably have broken my wrist or arm rather than hit my head and risk a seizure. So I would have gotten up, walked back to my office, splinted it with magazines and rubber bands, told my boss that I needed to leave, and taken MARTA to an emergency room.)
Savvy, my lunatic dog, was chewing on a pig's hoof a while back. If she had broken a tooth, I would have boiled a tea bag for her to bite down on--as if she would ever cooperate with that plan--to stop the bleeding, and I would have taken her to the emergency vet clinic.
On a more serious and realistic note, my grandmother's health is rapidly declining. It is entirely possible that she will not live to see the new year. I started breaking down at work yesterday, and came very close to asking my fiance to drive two and a half hours just to hold me. Then the planning side of me kicked in: he only has one vacation day left this year. I don't want to ask him to use it to hold me when in all likelihood, I'll need to ask him to use it to come to the funeral. I bought vacation insurance for our honeymoon in case Nana makes it that long. The insurance would enable us to interrupt the honeymoon to come home for the funeral, but still go back and finish the trip.
I have plans in the back of my head for all kinds of things: if I get breast cancer, if my fiance dies, if the house catches on fire. I don't mean to be morbid, I just like knowing that there's a plan. I also plan my route through the grocery store so I take the most efficient path and so the frozen goods are last (wouldn't want them to spoil!).
Sometimes my planning drives my fiance crazy, but really, it makes our lives easier. Mine, because everything is in order, and his because he doesn't have to listen to me complain about chaos. I would love to be the spontaneous kind of person who takes off across the country without an itinerary. (I dream of doing it someday, though I probably never will.) I would love to turn my phone off sometimes without feeling guilty, but what if something happens and someone needs one of my plans, and I'm not available?!
This is why I have migraines and seizures and muscle cramps. I know that. But I don't know how to fix it, or if I want to, or if I should want to!
I read in a book (Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy by Geralyn Lucas), "I am a catastrophizer." I don't think I'm quite that bad.
I am just a planner.
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I am also a planner. That grocery trip I took? It was NOT planned. I almost didn't go. But I was already out with someone (who by the way is NOT a planner). My reason: I don't have a list (aka plan).
This is why I forgot butter. Thrift store was in the plan. Grocery shopping was not.
Having said that, I have plans within plans within plans. I talk to my BF and he is like what if things don't go as planned? My answer: I then implement my back up plans.
Obviously : )
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